I Was Broken

I would never wish this on my worst enemy. Five years ago, I suffered a severe episode of anxiety and depression. The roots, I believe, stemmed from issues of deception and over-exuberance with both intense scriptural study (to an unhealthy level) coupled with anxious attempts to help others (also to an unhealthy level). Both qualities are innate to my nature, but somehow they got out of hand. Things went from bad to worse as my weight plummeted, insomnia destroyed my sleep patterns, and I burned with the heat of constant anxiety. I was broken, and the pain was more than I had ever experienced or imagined possible. For months, I would pray and weep in my darkened closet at night (sometimes multiple times a night), begging for relief from the Lord. The Savior carried me those nights. He mercifully and unfailingly lifted the pain each time, just enough to allow me to stand up and move again. During one intense evening in the temple, while sitting in the Celestial Room, I heard a clear and concise voice speak to me in my heart and my head: “Don’t ask; wait to be asked.” This was revelation that began the lifting process for me. It helped me see that help and instruction for others are best served when they are sought, not when they are forced upon someone. With the inspired guidance of priesthood leaders, proper counseling, a loving and patient wife, and much prayer and fasting, the cloud very slower lifted. Today I am fully healed. But leave no doubt, I was broken. And in my brokenness, I tasted the Savior's Atonement as He cradled me in His arms. 

 Mosiah 27:28 Nevertheless, after wading through much tribulation, repenting nigh unto death, the Lord in mercy hath seen fit to snatch me out of an everlasting burning, and I am born of God.
 29 My soul hath been redeemed from the gall of bitterness and bonds of iniquity. I was in the darkest abyss; but now I behold the marvelous light of God. My soul was racked with eternal torment; but I am snatched, and my soul is pained no more.

LESSON LEARNED:  The Savior and His Atonement are real.  I know this from personal experience, having tasted of His love and mercy.

FEEDBACK: WHAT EXPERIENCE HAVE YOU HAD IN WHICH THE SAVIOR'S ATONEMENT BECAME REAL TO YOU?